UPS Can't Deliver These Packages

by Walter Ancarrow

How to Turn Earth Day into Mirth Day

profile:
Earth Day got you down? Samantha Burns proposes Anti-Earth Hour to counteract Earth Hour, where cities across Canada, and possibly other countries, turn off their lights for an entire hour. Burns is planning on turning everything on during that time and she’s got followers.

News Item/Visual:
Just play re-runs of the Brave Little Toaster. No, but seriously, although that movie is really great, the cameramen would get more use going to the Earth Day Rally in Iowa City… and guess who’s going to be there? Presidential hopeful Barack Obama!

Investigation:
With all the talk about global warming, we’re all wondering if it’s true. Is there sufficient proof to back up the claims? I’m ready to snuff out the rumors.

No Fashion Faux-Pas fo' Po'

Profile:
Stephen Fendler, president of CM Almy -- the company designing the Pope’s popedrobe for his visit to Yankee Stadium on Sunday, April 20. Wouldn’t it be interesting to know what requirements go into dressing the Pope? What size is he? (Has he been eating too many popesicles?) What are some of his favorite things to wear?

News Item/Visual:
Send the camera crew to Yankee Stadium while the Pope conducts Mass. Various close ups of Pope’s dress in vogue-y camera angles. Maybe a black-and-white one while he dishes out the Holy Water. Bonus points for pictures that include some absurd element to slyly mock the ridiculous nature of editorial fashion shoots.

Investigation:
Investigation into who sews the Pope’s draggage. Sweat shop scandal? Who knows, but our investigative reporters will find out.